Facades Exists Between You And Me

It’s seems that this 2 girls whom I’m gonna write about will never be able to read these. No ones visit my blog. But, I still think is a must to write. Lolz~ Friends who sees this post would maybe like to help me to pass a message to this girls…I put in my time and effort to write de leh..=P

Girls is still girls. I admit that our feelings are as fragile and vulnerable. I visited their blog and decided to post my feelings out to them. I see that they are having a hard time working. That’s why the more I feel I should write this out to them. I’ve been through what they been through. I just want to get across them or rather only to qz. Life is like these. It’s always been tough working outside. No one feels it except you, yourself. A daily routine of working from day to night tired me out. Just like what they are doing now. When I was working, I always felt so lonely. Happy images of fun and laughter we had with my friends keep appearing in my mind. If not for the sake of money, I would rather not work. Even, you had friends or collegue at work, you still feel that they are somehow untrue to you. They are not themselves. They seems to be playing a hypocrite and putting an act on.

Occassionally, you’ll find yourself laughing or smiling but at the same time you still hear your heart shattering. It’s seems that you’re forcing ya self to do that. Rice that are once fragrant are now tasteless. Time passes so long day by day. The only moment that you are waiting for is the time for knocking off. You must be then thinking of how much you had already earned. Right? =P My mp3 player accompanied me everyday. If not, my journey to work will be as quiet as in the middle of the night when no children playing on the street. I always played my mp3 as loud as possible during my travel to work. That’s the only way to feel the music which now totally fits or describe my feelings. I always hated the journey to work. Although it’s a short duration, but it seems so long. Like a million of years ahead. It’s so dreadful. You never know what happening in today’s work. Customer complaint? Picky customers? It’s always service staff who always get this kind treatment~ Dammed it~ You feel so hard to get to work each day. So boring~ Sian!

You keep thinking that : " Wha lao~ Is not my family really dammed poor lor~ Why must I do all this thing? Come out work see my stewpid collegue face and customer’s shitty face!..*Arghz* -Wo he chang bu shi-

NO CHOICE! YOU WANT TO PASS TIME AND EARN SOME POCKET MONEY FOR ALLOWANCE TO EASE YOUR PARENTS’S BURDEN! *BEAR IT IN MIND!*

Just as what they’re now, I’m also envying friends who can have their own activities enjoying themselves by having a pool session, ktv session or even shopped down the street of Orchard. No matter what you will still feel that you are yourself only with your VERY OWN FRIENDS. They are the ones you onced feel comfortable with. Now, looks what’s around you? Customers? Sound of cashing? *Ching* *Ching* *Ching*..Sian!

The kind of feeling is so undescrible. It’s not as if you don’t have people to care for you. It’s just that they are all so within reach. So far..Unreachable at all~ You know as long as you need concern and care you can just called your friends up ya? But that’s not what you want..But, just a sense of assurance? Or rather security?You always tell yourself or blame God why do I have to work while others are enjoying? Well, I can only say. Life is like these. You have no other alternatives. You want money. You need to suffer or sacrifice. Aiyaz` What to do?

Just like Qz always said :" when you worked you’ve no friends and when you’ve friends you have no work." Although, I admit sometimes I agreed with what she says and feel so too~ Howver,I guessed it’s not very true ba~..It’s just a feelng deep down in your ("V"). You are just discouraging yourself only. I mean you can’t have them at totally the same time. But you can definately have us when you need you.

I am trying to say how can a human can do two things at a time?! When you worked you want to join your friends. I mean it’s not possible. You see, you are now doing serious stuff. Working leh..How to play? -Diaoz- People like us at always looking forward to the off day. The day before the off day, you must be feeling very glad or happy. You must be thinking :"Yes! It’s another off day for me.." Am I right? I also feel de same ba..

Believe me~ After seeing your hard earned money lying in the bank account. Your smile will eventually appeared. *Smiles*

Just wanna tell my friends (People like Qz, Wy, Xn and including myself) who are now having a tough time working that, all of us are feeling the same. Can’t blame we are humans especially girls . We need assurance from friends to make sure we can lose contract or drift apart. But, don’t ever think that you are the miserable soul in the world. At least, we still have each other to look after..=) To give encourgament. Everyone’s go through the same thing.Is that they didn’t mention about it. Sometimes it’s just the kind of emptiness that always feel your heart. Don’t let it overwhelmed you. If possible, always try to contact your friends. In this way you won’t feel being left out. At least, you still know what’s going on within them. =)

Working outside is actually not a bad thing. At least, you get to meet people from all walk of life. Aiyaz, just don’t dwell or think so much..Anyway I resigned to fate le..Hahaz! Well, getting tired..Stop here ya..friends forever! Tc~ Keep in contact ya..Just smiles..

Yeah. It’s 1.32am now. I am not sleeping yet. And I know another 20 more hours I will be leaving for Singapore to Bangkok. It’s kind of an funny feeling for me right now. I am not feeling as eager as before. A few months back I was rather elited the I will be going to thailand for a holiday. But now, seems that nothing could excite me and bring the eagerness back.

Haha, I was watching ‘Love Contract’[Ai Qing He Yue] just now. Kind of a feel for the female lead. She must be feeling tired and exhuasted after keeping her very own secrets. Quite pitiful. As if she only exist in her whole world. No one is able to walk into her life. How I wished I could draft my own love contact. Ideal man, love, romance and everything. Thus, I would be able to get hold of my love one every now and then. =) It was kind of funny and what a so called "lame" drama serials.

Quoting from of the dialogue in the drama :

‘Love is just like jumping down from a high building..Initially you don’t feel anything. However, when you are getting closer to the ground you’ll find that you can’t regret anymore. You can’t turned back..."

[*Take note: The above is translated by a girl whose vocabulary is limited and english standard is beyond hope..Please forgive =)]

I am having some blues right now. Initially, I planned to go either to Sheena or Chu teck house for a majong session ended up I stayed at home. Hahaz~ Anyway, whose house also doesn’t matter at all. They both are married couple. Opps =X

There are 4 main reason why I didn’t go:

1. I woke up late.( I slept at 4am last night`)
2. The weather horrendous and bad. (My area keep raining..Shit!)
3. I am not good at majong. (Blame it on my poor mental caculations`)
4. I made Chu teck angry by provoking him. (It’s the fact. I don’t admit I am in the wrong. He and Sheena will have good chance. Hold the tight man`)

He’s very stuborn~ All I can say. =) Haiz~ It’s had for me to tell him anything in this kind of position. He seems repulsive. But then he also didn’t tried his best to think all over again. Did I say wrong? It’s possible k? Don’t care them liao..=P I am gonna challenge myself with the computor virus again. Bye~

Yap. Just came back from work after a day of hardwork. Complaints and comments filled my mind. These member are so irksome and irritating. I can’t stand. *Arghz* Forget it~ I don’t bear it in mind. If not, my problems will turned from hundreds to thousand or more. =P

Just saw yanny comments. Just wanna tell her even if nobody wants to jio you go out, I will tried~ I promised~ I have to work my weekends out. I had no choice. The only thing is to keep our friendship out is to let it avail and everlasting. We must never lose contact k? Well, about the conference session thingy.. Don’t worry yanny~Is just that it’s a short one. Duration is about 30 mins ba. Anyway is Da Xiong asked me to call in de. He want to know more about the maltriculation thing regarding poly so we had a conversation. It’s late at the night I thought nobody want to conference. Sorry yanny k? I promise if there is anymore of this session, you will be asked to joined =) Smile~  Hehe~ Anyway, I am also tired of conference thingy. It’s kinda boring. I don’t really like conference thingy~ You know me..I rather type out in words ya?

I am just as tired as yanny~ Each time, I want to organise an outing or whatever stuff I am scared that I might a negative answer. It must always be the same person who go around and asked. I am tired. I am done. I quit. Alright? Friends can only be temporary. Why? Can it be everlasting? I don’t have time to think about any other things else~ I am just to tired. Let me off~ =(

Meimei and a few of us was just having a conference session just now. Meimei was like keep talking about this word ‘contradicting’. This was because I kept putting this word into my sentences whenever I speak.

I tried looking for the dictionary actually what this word means. It’s doesn’t mean that I don’t understand what this word is exactly about, is just that I wanna know know the actual meaning. These it goes..

Contradicting: To state the opposite of what someone else said

I do think humans can be very contradicting at times. I do. I admit that. Haha~ But somehow don’t be too over-contradicting. =) It’s very "Mao Dun" thingy k? No choice. We are all mammals which have feelings and own set of thinking. But, I hate when people say these and do another thing in the next moment. I am not trying to aim or point fingers directly at anyone. Don’t worry~ Just smile..=)

Just when I was about to think of how contradict humans what get I come across of a book. A very knowlegable one. It asked and wrote this very question which arouse my curiousity and the anxiety I had. It asked: "CAN DOGS SEE COLOURS?" I was taken aback by this question. Lolz~ Well, we all know dogs couldn’t see colours right? But I came to think about something at the end of the day…

Know why? I thought we were lucky not to be a dog or never will it be in our next life. This is because if this is so..we wouldn’t be able to see about the TRUE COLOURS of human. lolz =P

I was dumb-founded yesterday when the stewpid nurse asked me this question:

Nurse: "What is the purpose of coming here? "

Me: " Erm..medical check up lor.."

Nurse: " Medical check-up check for what? ". (Well, she is actually asking what I am checking for)

Me: " Check for eyesight, blood test, urine test and everything."

Nurse: " That’s good..Hmmm, check for eyesight..So what colours you see in this book?.."

Unknowingly I was lead to the answer which the nurse wanted. All I can say is that she’s funny. VERI FUNNIE UH? How lame nurse can be. Don’t wanna come straight forward to the question. I wonder 10 years down the road, I will become like them or not. Lolz~ Nurse do have attitude k? lolz~ Yes. I had my medical checkup at Choa Chu Kang Sunshine Place. I was luckily to have my sister there to accompany me. Had my blood test. Almost faint..Scary worz~

I was rather busy about the polytecnic matriculation thingy and since when i finally got an reply from SBS after writing in to them. Here’s what they wrote to me:

Dear Ms Ke

We thank you for your suggestion.

As part of our continuous effort to ensure that the transportation needs of our customers are met, we conduct regular surveys of our buses and review them in tandem with the development of the towns which they ply in.

We have studied into your request for a direct bus service to ply from Choa Chu Kang Interchange to Ngee Ann Polytechnic but regret to inform you that we do not have any plans.  Nevertheless, we will consider it in our future planning.  We also would like to take this opportunity to inform you that to get to Ngee Ann Polytechnic you can take service 67 and transfer to service 61, 75 and 184 at Jalan Anak Bukit (opp Bt Timah Plaza).

We thank you for bringing the matter to our attention and look forward to your continued support.

Yours sincerely

SURAYA BTE HAMID (MS)

SENIOR CORPORATE COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER

It’s just equivalent to no answer at all. I gave up. =)

My life had been sucks. I would like to recommend or rather introduce everyone a song. 柯有伦-零..It’s an ost from the drama Mars(Zhan Shen) it’s just struck the bottom of my heart when i first listen to it. It totally describe my feelings right now. Just as what it says: "从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美" .. It’s so true. Life had never been perfect for me. There had been friends which adds spices to my life. Not forgetting about my close ones. My family. But somehow, something had just been missing. It’s like like a bird being kept in a cage. A small-small one..it had never be able to get it’s freedom. It’s lives in the world of it’s own. On one can ever been able to understand. It’s a very saddening and depresssing song. That’s what I am feeling exactly. I don’t know why. My life had been stopping. Hadn’t been moving. It’s stagnant. It’s meaningless. My heart had a dimension. No one can be able to walk into it. No one can understand. It’s seems so wide and vastful. No bounderies. No nothing. Except for occassional sound of shattering glasses. It’s just breaking. I can’t explain it. My life have a puzzel and that very puzzel is just missing. It’s MISSING. No one can complete it..Life sucks. It’s imperfect. Every night, I look at sky and mumble to myself and said " You will have a better tomorrow.." But, it’s seems unable to come true..Well~ No matter what I would still do it every night..

柯有伦-零

从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美
痛苦　寂寞　还有一些疲惫
不允许找人随意进入我的零度空间
宁愿　孤独　懒的再去想谁

俩个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱　过去　然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会　抓住　我的无力双臂

怎么　会哭 
(谁错谁对　为谁抱歉)
不会　再哭
(谁错谁对　为谁憔悴)

走入零度空间　等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险　我们一起面对
来不及的防备　没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会　多了爱的明天

走出零度空间　终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累　我却不会后悔
放下所有防备　一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界　开始新的明天
新的　明天
(新ㄉ　世界)

Click here to listen : http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/76228ht.htm

Was rather a busy and tiring weekend for me. I hadn’t been updating for the few days due to work. I not trying to preach everyone how bad is it like working outside. But you guys should understand how is it like to serve others well without getting any compliments or whatever good words put up for us. Dammed it! Fug~ Asshole~ -Arghzz-

We managed to met up with one another for a ktv session last week. Had a slight sore throat after hours of singing session. We sang our heavy hearts out. Lolz~..Afterwhich took a bus 190 down to orchard..After a series of events crop up, and I was like in a daze. Anyway is not something happening or great. =) I think is a small matter ba. I don’t wish to elaborate further. It’s other people affair. You know my type. I don’t like to poke into others thingy and got involved. I had my problems too. Why should I be a busybody. Just like a honeybee poking it’s sting into the cocoon with lots of honey~ Anyway I was kind of moodswing. Can’t blame on me..The weather is horrendous. Anyway I am feeling okay now. Thanks for you guys concern.

Warning! Please play Guang Liang-Shao Nian before reading the below…

Life have been sucks as I say. Different people had their thinking or rather problems. How should I say? I should say no matter what happened within my friends I hoped it can be cured or saved. I don’t wanna any relationships too worsen. I want it to be the way it is like during the past. Don’t you guys agree? Had be friends for years nothing as big can affect our sistership ba? We had little time to spent ya. Soon, we are all gonna to proceed to the next paced of our life. I am feeling down. Each time I sees something happened within our friends I feel sad. It’s saddening. Why not just put the blame on me. I can. I will. I willing to take up the responsibilty. Don’t hated each other. We might not have time for one another. Just like we sees what happens in shows/movies. Humans do have regrets. I don’t wanna any of my friends to have any regrets or misunderstandings within themselves before we gonna to future to anpther spring of our teenage life. WE ARE SISTERS! Get it clear now. Before I gonna take anything and knock on ya head~ =) Smiles..I love you guys~ Without you guys I will not have come thus far..I seriously miss those days. Laughter~ Everything~..=(

Friends who had read my blog. Continue to preach the idea of sistership. =) I love you guys..*Huggies*

Btw, here’s a picture of me and yanny on ktv-session that day: BoOOo~

I was siting down reading long paragraphs of forms that I had to fill in after all the anxiety and anguish had overwhelmed me upon having to recieve my polytechnic package. What a PACKAGE~ had to go through so many stewpid procedures. Firstly,..

• I had to get to the nearest clinic to do a body checkup and the cost incurred will be then bourne by me. This totally freak me out~
• I had to go down to the nearest OCBC back listed on the booklet to make my payment for the first semester. (Afterwhich, my future tuition fee will be deducted from the giro bank account) -Got no choice my mum’s CPF account dries up-
• Thirdly, I had to fill in the stewpid business reply card with my particulars to make a student card for my myself including a passport size photo. Luckily I already had one. (what’s more pissed me off is that I had to throw it into the nearest post box by 8th of april. Look at it? what’s the date today? Excuse me~ I just recieved my package uh?)
• Also, there is so many forms for me to fill up. I had to gone through the same thing over and over. Repeating my particulars again and again..

Forget it for now…suddenly I realised that I don’t know what I should wear to school *lolz*. Perhaps I should buy a few pair of jeans for myself. So that, in the future I just had to make a daily change of my top. I gone throught serveral website and saw a few pair of Levi’s jeans. I decided on a few modal that I wanted to buy. I like the darker ones. My brother-in-law had helped me a obtained a afforable price. *Cheap* He had got his friend who is now currently at Us having a vacation to help me to buy. I am not sure if he/she is able to get it for me..But I hope so ba..

Aniwae,these are a few modals that I saw..

1)Levi’s® 501 Original Button Fly jeans:

2)Levi’s® Misses Straight Leg 505® jeans:

3)Levi’s® Misses Low Bootcut 525 jeans:

An Idiotic Fugking day for me, having to deal with the deadly attackable spyware virus. I am not those who is good at computor thingy. I had a hard time placing my time and effort getting off the what so called ‘dirty stuff ‘ (spyware virus) from my computor. The spyware scanner or any type of software hadn’t been much help to me. Arghz~ Dammed suay man.

Oh yeah, I went out with my usual groups of sister today. We met up for a pool game. An after having enough of excitment we proceeded our way down to queentown shopping centre. I bought a cap for myself hopping that it will shade me off the dammed bloody hot sun for the upcoming visit to bangkok. I loved the cap that i bought. Have a unique skull-headed cartoon on it. Also, it was design with bright shiny sequinces(whatever spelling) =P. It was black in colour.

Finally when the sun falls, we proceed home after having to wait for the stewpid bus. I had wasted my half and hour which is equivalent to 30 mins -Fei hua- lolz~ just for that. Lolz~ Well, I’m tired. Gonna stop here ya~ Tata~ BoOOoO…