Facades Exists Between You And Me

I suddenly felt very tired. Tired because I am always blogging about the unfortunate things about me. Haha. Sorry to all readers. So, what so tiring about me today? Well, I way on my way home after class gathering to found out that I was actually tearing. I swallow my pride down. My heart seems heavy. It doesn’t enlighten at all after a series of papers. I hate when people telling me "I also.." and so on. Every suituation is different. I must say. That’s what I want to say. You’re different from me. I really start questioning my abilities. They said I am not stupid. I must agreed. No one in this world is stupid. But, I would say I am not smart either. I am a person must work hard for it de lor. Cause not born to be smart and quick-wit de mah. This is a better and nicer way to put in words lor. At least, I feel better.

I am worried for my results as well. I know of many people scored well. In fact, I heard of many ADs. But as well as, I heard of a failure. Moreoever is a girl. I asked myself: "Could it be me?" I recieved many response or reaction like "Please lor..Got study lor..cannot be you de". Seriously, there is no 100% certainty. Who knows I failed by one mark even I did study?. There is a possibility man. I really envy smart people out there. I tried and tried. I never ever would obtain AD or full marks. Why huh? One time also cannot. Even if I reduce one year of my life, I could never get AD de. I don’t know why leh. I got study leh. But, just cannot lor. I tried very hard liao. If I obtained an AD in my test hor, I seriously will be strike by thunder or get knocked down by a car leh. I say these because I know I cannot de. Because I really tried le. Today bloody nursing science 4 crapped all the way. MCQ all Tikam. Hopefully passed can liao, maybe must retake sia. You all know hor, since primary school to secondary school also like that. Cannot scored well de. Don’t know what my brain is made of? Rubbish only. Please leh. Let me be happy one time can liao. Don’t ask for much. Haha. Maybe next time go to society also lidat. Failure in the society. Someone who cannot be sucessful de.

I must say that Jonathan Toh fortune-telling skills quite accurate. Looking at my features, he said "I will NEVER become someone great and acheive great things in life". He said that I will just be a normal person in the future. I am staring to believe his predictions. I seriously like that think lor. Sometimes his mouth is quite accurate de.

If I say I am stupid, alot of people will start scolding me. Please don’t. Be understanding towards me yeah. I just don’t understand. TO THE SMART PEOPLE OUT THERE, can give me some tips on how to score well? Alot of people said : "Maybe you study in the wrong way." But how wrong am I ar? I study what they study leh. Same tips. Or maybe wrong method of applying the question?

I remembered Shuxian everytime said: "Aiya, why you take exam or common test so hard?" So I want to tell her is that actually, I don’t take it very hard. I put in normal effort, but still I expect some results (for sure de ma, don’t you?) from the efforts I put in but everytime wander why I don’t see my result only. I just wanna prove that hardworking will lead to sucess one day theory. So, I continue and continue lor. That’s why each time I never get the result I want, I will be of course dissapointed. Then everyone will think I crazy de. Everytime take things so hard." Aiya. Don’t know how to explained lah. Haha. Maybe one day I can prove the theory then I can heck care and put everything down. At least, let me be "smart people" for 1 semester try try can liao. After that if never scored well then forget it. Well, it seems like I can only do well in project. Why huh?

Erm, I went for TTSH intereview today. It wasn’t a pleasant one. Out of 7 person, Sister lay hoon told me that my results is not very good and ask me to send them my this common test results and they will reviewed and see how. Imagine how I feel. Don’t say that you guys have no chance too. At least, she didn’t mentioned to you all that they will reviewed and see how. You know how I feel? Aiyox. Like kanna comdemmed. Maybe got too many people this time, so quite competitive. But,why don’t wanna see past results, purposely see previous semester result which I never do quite well sia.

I don’t even dare to send my coming results to them lor. This coming one deemed to be cannot make it de. Hai. Why want to become nurse so hard de? Must a nurse results be super good? Why? Why? Why? It is rubbish to say that a good nurse come within from their heart. What they want is good result lor. I very sian already man. Why outside world so compeitive de? Why this time everyone so piang. Why? Why? Just one time scored well can le. WHY?

I learnt to 3 things today:

1. Hardworking is not the key to sucess. Knowing how to spot questions would be the key factor. No matter how hard you work for your results, I am sorry to tell you. If you got the right tips and bang on it. You will have great results. It is to no avail. Don’t need attend so many boring lecture anymore. Also, a little luck by your side can le. Plus, alittle hardwork of yours.
2. I found out that my ancestor never passed down smart genes to me. Seriously lor. I am abit slow de.
3. I don’t think I can be a successful person. Unless, I quit nursing and go sing song. Lol. (Scarely also cannot make it.)

I am still considering giving myself another 6months time to prove that hardwork leads to success theory, but it very tiring de lor. The person who said that must have his or her reasons man. But, I super affected by the bond thing lor. Aiya, they want me then go ahead lor. Don’t one me then no choice lor. Throw me aside lor. I am rotton apple. Lol (Just watch I not stupid 2).

P/s:I am a rotten apple.

Yap. I failed my Traffic Police Test today. I thought I could clear but sorry. Haa. I am rather satisfied with my performance. At least, I didn’t mount or strike kerb which is a commonly mistake happenening in driving. Lol. Just felt that it was a waste lah. Cause I didn’t accumulate any point in the circuit itself while undergoing the the courses. However, while I was on the road. The bloody tester accumulate my point. He say I "road-hog". Literally means I was slow and causes inconviences to the other driver. So whatever lor.  I was driving at the speed of 50-60km/hr, which I think is okay. Moreover, I can’t possibly drive to fast mah, worrying that he might say that I speed. Somemore my test route is number 8. One with heavy traffic and a bloody U-turn located near the junction. I had to take notice of my safety and other drivers as well what. Cannot drive too fast. Cannot chiong too fast Dammed the tester who accumulate my points saying that I cause other drivers to slow down and take evasive action. Mark me for slow speed as well. Boo. Dammed sian. Demoralize. But nvm. Aiya. Mug for common test first lah.

But. Who knows…I received a call from TTSH asking me to go down next wednesday for interview thingy. My god. Should I be happy or sad? I was just trying my luck while sending the application. So zhun man. I actually never thought of signing bond. Is just that I am worry about unemployment. It seems that there are more people foreigners working in this line. They seems more hardworking than Singaporeans. The chances of them getting employ is definately more than us. Scared no-rice bowl = no car, no money, no wishes come true. I was striked by the words of a year 3 student from NYP on my visit to Assisi nursing home near Mount Alvernia hospital. He told us (yiping,shuxian,lijia) that some of graduates from NYP have yet to find any jobs and it has already been more than half a year that they are jobless and umemployed.

At the point of time, I was really shaken by his words. But come to think, it a different suituation you see. NYP has more nursing student that us. Compared to them we are a small ant in nursing sector. One factor or reason why some of the graduates are unemployed could be because they’ve too many nursing students graduating at one time. Generally, the hospital will choose the best ones. Thus, being a small cohort by the time–2008 while we graduate (don’t take into account of the freshies), we will come out to as the pioneer batch of ngee ann nursing. I guess the generally most hospitals would like to have us as their mouse to do experiments. Lol. I think they would like to try out and compare Ngee Ann and Nanyang graduates. I think we have more chances ba. Second reason being, out of 170 students in nursing or maybe less, about 20 plus students are bonded. Left we 150 students hanging there. Out of 150. (half are into nursing, half are not into nursing). Some might even further studies. Thus, our probability of us being employed is higer. I can’t say definately is higher. But, for the least this is what I think.

The main point is that I am still finding it unbelievble that TTSH called me. So I blogged making sure that I am not dreaming. Lame. =) Whatver lah. Just go interview than see how. =)

Moral of the story:

Don’t get tester with surname "Poh". =)

It seems that it had been a hectic and busy week for Health Science (Hell Science) student this week. I guessed every coursemate might have agreed to it. Nursing Science and ass-ty projects has been driving us to the limits already. I’ve yet to recovered from my cough. I am so afraid that I would have lost my voice and never get it back. What if I can’t sing? I think I will go crazy. I hope I can recover soon. I guessed what I need is another 30hrs+ of sleep. I’ve been resting or sleeping well. I’ve just so much to say in this entry. Please allow me. Thanks.

Common test is coming. Once again, dammed stressed. Don’t care about the GPA thingy (just say only nia). But, I seriously learnt to take things easy from past experiences. Don’t push myself too hard. Just try to apply what I learnt and that’s it. I guessed this is a better way for me. So what if I scored well, and what if I don’t? Well, this is what I felt. To some individual is likewise. Scoring well prove them something. It means that their hardwork has been paid out. It all depends on how a person place how much importance to it. However, I must say. Even If I might have scored badly, doesn’t mean I hadn’t been putting effort or hardwork to it. Haha. It’s just that some elements of earth and factors leading to my result. Like TV, interesting games, teacher who marked your paper, your luck? Lol.

Everyone is different and unique in their own ways. Some might have been successful in their own areas or field, some might not. Just like I can sing but not everyone can sing. This applies to me only lah. I want to be recognize in my singing. If hopefully studies as well, however, I place singing to as a more important. Well, I think what everyone needs is recognition in their own areas and strenght. Everyone hopes that their hardwork will be recognized. Agreed with it?

Come to think about it, some glory only last for awhile. Do you still remember who is the top in your seconday one class? Don’t right? It doesn’t means you scored well means you are good. Are you as all rounder? Are you someone who goes to the extend of acheiving other things and being good in other area?

I critised the GPA system in polytechnic. I don’t quite agreed with their way of grading. As I mentioned, especially in Health Science(Nursing). It always been something that I’ve have been discriminate against in some particular modules. Also, doesn’t means that I can good in singing means I am good. I just detest it(GPA system). I’ve so much critics on it. Just lazy to type them all.

Always remember, try to add value to yourself. If you are good in your studies. Go on. Be someone more. There are many others things you can engage in to be an all rounder. Be someone who can go to the extend of touching people lives. Try to understand people around you. Be something whom you can walk into others people lives. People will then remember you. Like that, you would have gained more respect other than your studies. Vice-versa, for example, you are good at talking. Then go on with other areas. Achieve other things that might have bring you further. Make yourself knowlegable learnt more things. In this way, you might have gained others respect as well. =). Jiayou people.

I am just typing out what I feel. Just feel that people around me seems to be stressed. Don’t know what they’re stress with. Things can be very simple. But, they like to make it complex. This term is a competitive semester. Everyone put in efforts. I know. But, who cares? If you do well, then be it. I just try to put in my effort as well. If I can’t scored well, then be it too. Effort is not determined by a piece of paper or GPA result . Sometimes, it can be just some words from other that determined your effort put in. And it need to depends on who that determines your hardwork. A nurse must scored well. ALSO, a nurse needs to walk into others patient lives as well or even your peers. =) Even if a person scored well in her/his result and that person is of unlikable character, they won’t gained my respect for definate. You know what I trying to mean?

Just wanted tell those who read my entry. Your standard (e.g. GPA and result) is set by yourself. There are times you need to lower them and make yourself happy and not being stress by it. Is that matter how you see it. If you take it too hard you won’t be happy. At the beginging, You should ask yourself. WHO AM I SCORING FOR TO SEE MY RESULT? WHO AM I WANTING TO PROVE? WHO DO I WANT TO SHOW?

I think I really know what I want now. I just want to be "Happy". Is it appropriate to use? I want a normal and happy life. Happiness come within from my heart. I don’t hear sounds anymore. I am glad. =) I controlled myself.

I have been trying dammed hard to save money for my future. I want to study music if there is a chance or overseas to extend my education. Thus, I’ve been eating bread or rather sandwiches that I’ve make. However, my friends and classmate mistaken my intention. Lol. I just wanna save money for rainy days. Okay lah. Plus alittle controlling my diet, because I’ve been eating alot during the past. At least, I am eating. I tired of trying to tell people to eat. Telling them they are not fat. I just feigned ignorance. Maybe is their body. I can’t do anything much. But, there are many others ways to slim down. Dieting may not be the only alternatives. Indulging in dieting is seriously no good.  But, I hope to see indulging in sliming coming together with maintaining of heath would have been better.

As ages come by, I really learnt something. I learnt that everyone has it own thinking. It’s difficult to change your mindset. Lol.

By the way, I might be not able to go for YEP Indian. Overwhelming respond? Nvm give others a chance. =). Anyway, I went for Kun Ming as well. Next time, I will go back there. =P

Actually, I wanted signed up for the Overseas Industrial Attachment Programme. To go Hong Kong/Austrialia (once again, just say only. No worries. No snatching with people. No selfish thinking. No motive. I won’t go). Maybe I go there got talent scouter then scout me as their talent. Haha. *Day-dreaming* But, I see my results…*Uh-uhmm* Anyway, I am not so clever, I can sing only. The only I am proud of.  I think cannot make it. Why not I give others a chance? Don’t waste their golden opportunity. Making sure that even if I can go, I would give everything the best. Cause you’re going there as an ambassadors. Is more than a normal YEP trip or study trip. Not experiencing the environment but as well as presenting your best to the trip. I guessed this is the whole purpose of OIAP. I don’t know why people are so keen to go for such places. Talking about eye-opening? or exploring the system there?

No offends to those who are intending to sign up for it. =) Just to mention that it’s really kind of realistic. Looking at how people wanting to get benefits through such Overseas Attachment Programme, aiya. Actually, if I were to go. I also want gained something. =X  lol. Why I say realistic leh? *Seriously no offends. =)* This is because, when there are trips such as YEP(Youth Expedition Programme) opened to the course as well, the responses is not as keen as this. Sad case hor. You mean YEP isn’t an eye-opening as well? not exploring the system there? Lol. Correct right? Anyway, why no go Taiwan de? If not can see 曹格 there. Haa. Paiseh =X

I just think everywhere is the same. If you’ve the sincerity to learn, everywhere will be a learning place. Even your home. You learnt how to love, care and concern for your family. Even your house toilet! Lol. You learn how to do proper hygience and toilet. Everywhere is full of opportunites on your way. Haha. funny hoh?

Anyway, dammed busy with my christmas bazzar thingy. 21st-23rd Nov. Please support hor. =) My driving test also on the way le. 24th Nov! =(

P/s:曹格, 我爱你你是我的罗密欧,我愿意变成你的祝英台..

Actually, I felt dammed terrible these few days.

I am sick. =(

Why I know I am sick? Because I am changing my role to sick role.

I can’t perform my normal roles and duties.

I can’t sleep at night.

I couldn’t sleep well and smooth.

Keep waking up.

The feeling is like accumlation of water in the lungs alveoli and it moves to the heart by some ways.

Worst still. The stupid cough mixture cause palpitation in me. I feel my heart beating fast and feeling of heaviness.

What worst? My throat is dammed feeling itchy.

I woke up in the middle of the night and cough.

I cough & cough untill my lungs wanna throw out.

Dammed sad man.

Life without voice is like a shit.

Everything so heavy.

I see everything so heavy because I didn’t sleep well at night.

I can’t SING. I can’t speak.

I really feel dammed terrible now. Dammed xin ku.

My sinuses dammed pain. I felt tingling pain in my ear.

I nose bled two times today. What the hell.

I rather donate my blood.

Ask me why I did go to the doctor?

Because I "Prototype" Haha. Lol.

I had something similiar like these before mah. I know it’s normal flu. I know the signs & symptons. Therefore, I know need what I need. Rest. Drink loads of water.One thing I didn’t go to the doctor because I am too tired to go too. Troublesome too. Maybe serve me right. Aiya, Just don’t wanna waste unneccessary money. But, from the bottom from my heart. It’s really dammed xin ku. Hope that I can get well soon, so that I can start singing. Lol =)

P/s: I want to have a good sleep tonight. Please?

Title: Perhaps Love(这是爱吗国语版)
Singer: Howl & J

Drama: Goong Ost - Main Theme

Year: 2006

歌词:
何时才能开始 再能与你相见
每一天的等待 反而变成我的无耐
我的回忆 都快没有画面
只有你的出现 才能擦掉我心中的不安
虽然我想很多 有时候
心情却变得很沉默
只好甩掉一切 让你知道我对你的爱
好想对你说 不管距离多遥远 永远不会变
因为在我心中 你是我最爱
很想赶快告诉你 却少了勇气 只能默默守护你
你会觉得我很傻 但这也许可能是 Perhaps Love

现在我的心情 无法向你说明
其实只有你能感受到我对你的感情
不必害怕面对你的爱
因为爱彼此在心中
永远不会分开 你能接受我对你的爱

好想对你说 不管距离多遥远 永远不会变
因为在我心中 你是我最爱
很想赶快告诉你 却少了勇气 只能默默守护你
你会觉得我很傻 但这也许可能是 Perhaps Love

甜美的微笑 停留在我脑海
幸福的旋律 写了一首美丽歌曲
时光虽然不能倒流 我陪你到最後

我们的相遇 就好像是一场梦 别让它睡醒
因为在我心中 你是我最爱
我愿意付出一切 好好去爱你 我不会让你离开
我会永远爱著你(深深的爱你) 直到天长地久(唯一的最爱) love You

P/s: Haha. Chinese version of Perhaps Love? Ever heared before? Here it is. The lyrics. Enjoy it. =)