Facades Exists Between You And Me

Have you ever wonder what if your heart doesn’t speaks anymore? How was you to know and realised if everything doesn’t bothers anymore? What happened if god doesn’t even know what happens to you anymore?

So, I was siting at bus - 190 on my way home. Rain came pouring down earlier on at the late evening forming mist on the windows. It was dreamy. For a moment, I thought I was at bed, being a craddle. Nursery tunes playing on my ears. Being comforted by people who loves me. However, after a few stops everything became alittle gloomy with abit of empty-ness or I shall call it solitude feel?Coming to a picture, everything suddenly turns white.

The feeling was so dammed instant, I just realised something. A stinch of numbness overwhelmed me. It wasn’t sad. It wasn’t happy. I don’t speak anymore. Nope. It’s just that my heart never spoke again. Thus, I looked up the sky and that when I told God - whom many believes that he loves me. I spoke to him. He didn’t give an answer. I told him. I’m feeling numb. Seriously holy shit numb. But, he didn’t reply me. I was sadden-ed, when I didn’t manage to get the answers I want.  After a 5 minute pause. I told him one thing: "Hey hey, for you who loves me so much, I’m gonna to say these to you last time. Is that..my lord, I’ve one life. Take it or leave it."

P/s:I beg you a million or even a trillion times to let me go. To relieve me from everything. But, father lord. You just wouldn’t. You make others telling me obstacles makes me stronger. You make others telling me to go on. But. eventually nothing else just come in place. It’s been quite awhile. You make me go through the process of gaining and losing something. I’ll bear in mind. But, it’s seems that I’ve been struggling all this years to strike a balance this process that you’ve created for me. I’m struggling so dammed bloody hard. For a moment, I thought I was being cursed. Cursed by people who doesnt loves me and hates me. I was thinking what have I done to deserve all these? That you actually believes those baddie out there and punish me so hard. That’s so much true. It’s always just when I’m starting to look forward to tommorrow and while other prays for tommorrow existence, things happened and make me terribly withdrawn back into where I’ve begin. I wouldn’t be able to get out of the vicious cycle. You make me talk to people at night. Having sleepless night. And it just go on. You never understand how terrible I’m feeling. It make it so hard for me to face each morning. You make it sound like everyday gonna be a dammed bad day for me ahead. You’ve taken away all what suppose to be in me and there’s nothing left. Why are you always so cruel? To make it sounds as though you’re very good to all mankind. You gave me lot of friends, food and more wanting to gain my trust that you are so kind to me. On the hand, you’ve taken my pride, dinigty and every part that is left on me. Sometimes, you bring me up to the peak and next moment you throw me down to the bottom. God. You make me so hard to live life on. I really don’t like you. Seriously. Hey there, I rather you not touch me. Can you? Don’t make me live by hatred day by day. I don’t know what I will do one day. I could actually do what you me to do. Chances after chances I’ve given to you and me. But, you just don’t appreciate it, thinking that it is nothing. You might not have a second chance my lord. You just don’t know when the second chance might just slip aways with time. Don’t. Please. Don’t do these to me anymore. I can’t. I can’t take it. Let me do the things I want to do.

Artist: Beyoncé
Album: B’day
Title: Listen

[Verse 1:]
Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can’t complete
Listen
To the sound from deep within
It’s only begginnig to find release

[Pre - Chorus 1:]
Oh the time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all ’cause you won’t listen

[CHORUS:]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Oh now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve got to find my own

[Verse 2:]
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago

[Pre - Chorus 2:]
Oh I’m screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
bent to your own all ’cause you won’t listen

[CHORUS]

[Bridge:]
I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on
If you don’t
If you won’t

[CHORUS 2:]
Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start and I will complete
Oh now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I’ve got to find my own
My own…

P/s: Listen. I’m really alone at my crossroad. If you really know, I really got to find my own…